Pregnancy

 Before Zach got sick, Javier and I decided we were going to have another baby. Actually even when Leo was a tiny baby and I was the most overwhelmed I always wanted one more. I used to pray then that God would bless me with the continued desire for another child. All through that time my autoimmune condition worsened. Every appointment the doctor asked me if I was ready to begin methyltrexate but I always put it off. It causes birth defects and I knew that once I began it, it would be hard to get off of it to get pregnant again. It felt like closing that door forever. So I got sicker and sicker and kept waiting but what for? We weren’t ready to have that baby either. We were maxed out with our five kids, Javier had been working day and night on the CFA and we coached 4 soccer teams between the two of us. We couldn’t find the time and I kept getting sicker. How could I even take care of a baby if I had one? Finally last spring things came to a head. It was time to move forward one way or another. My Rheumatologist told me it was okay to get pregnant but that I shouldn’t wait at all. There was a new medication he could start me on that I could take while pregnant but it would just keep getting harder and more dangerous if we kept waiting. We prayed. We visited the temple. We felt that God would bless us with another child and the blessings that child would bring to our family began to flood my mind. We both really wanted to have that baby so we told our teams we weren’t coaching in the fall (which was really really hard! Some of those teams have been together for like 8 years!) and we got to work. I had a mini miscarriage the week before Zach got sick but I hardly felt sad. I only knew I was pregnant for a day. When Zach got sick I could see it was such a blessing that I wasn’t pregnant then. I couldn’t have coped and I couldn’t have been able to help Natalie which was the only thing that kept me going those first few months. Every day I walked back and forth between our houses. I was in a fog. I tried to help the kids, I washed clothes, I cleaned, I told stories and put kids to bed. I didn’t notice that I hadn’t cleaned my own house in a month. I didn’t notice that my kids weren’t eating meals or going to bed. I was completely out of it but I was better at pretending over there. But eventually in the midst of our complete grief and hopeless sadness we felt that we should still move forward with the baby. I had the feeling that God had saved this blessing to help us and all the family in this time of sadness. Moving forward was the decision in my life which has required the most faith. It broke my heart to make a decision like that, it felt like moving on with my life in such a big way and I wasn’t ready. Every time I told someone I was pregnant I sobbed and that was hard to explain (to them and to myself). I am 12 weeks pregnant now and that doesn’t happen anymore now. I had to hunker down and get through the sickness. I haven’t been able to help at Zachs house anymore and I have hardly done anything for them or my own family these last two months. This time around I was offered Diclegis and I have not been nearly as sick as before but still sick enough the first month to be pretty incapacitated. My kids have been incredible! Max and Sammy have cooked dinner, cleaned the kitchen every night, and taken turns putting Leo to bed. They have been so helpful and patient and loving! One day I told Max, “I hope you don’t feel like you have to do all this to earn our love! I would love you even if you didn’t help at all!” Max replied, “of course not! This is how we show our love to you!” Sweet boy! Here I am crying tears of pride and gratitude ❤️ Phoebe and Esther have been wonderful too! They started making their own lunches and getting themselves ready for bed and for school in the morning. Phoebe has taken on so much responsibility to help Esther with these tasks and Esther as small as she is has worked so hard and has been able to do for herself what I never would have thought she was ready to do! She has also helped Leo so much! He loves her and misses her and asks her to help him with snacks. She has also taken turns reading hil bedtime stories as has Phoebe. I am so proud of them all! I started feeling a lot better at about 9 weeks! Not all the way but so much better than before! Now at 12 weeks I’m probably 75% better and I’m able to do a lot for my kids again all the sudden in the last few days. I didn’t lose any weight though and I usually lose at least 5-10 pounds. I usually throw up all throughout the day but this time I felt yucky during the day but I only felt sick enough to actually throw up in the evening so that made a huge difference in being able to bear it with ease. I threw up just about every single day from 6-9 weeks and sporadically afterwards but that was honestly such a bearable amount of time compared to other pregnancies! I feel very grateful! I felt going into that I was so afraid to be sick. I had so much PTSD from other pregnancies but I felt that The Lord would bless me to not be as sick. That has been an incredible blessing ❤️ We are feeling better in our grief. I think of Zach every day, every hour, but I know he isn’t suffering and I can think of him with happiness and I’m so grateful for that. I know he is here too. I feel that deeply. I still cry often thinking about him but it is easier than it was before. Not for Natalie and the kids though. I pray that we will know how to lighten their burden and help. It is so painful to see them suffering.

 Max and Sammy ran cross country this fall! I was so proud of them for being willing to step outside of their soccer comfort zone and try something new. They LOVED it and learned so much about themselves and enjoyed all the kids and cousins they ran with so much!! Their other fall hobbies included washing mountains of dishes, making dinner, and putting their toddler brother to bed every night while I have been sick and pregnant. We knew this pregnancy would be a big sacrifice for my big kids so we gave them all a vote and I was so proud of the way they were all willing and excited to take it on. That’s not to say they didn’t complain sometimes when they had to wash the dishes again, but I will always be grateful for the support our kids gave us this fall and their willingness to sacrifice their own freedom and activities to have another sibling. I love my boys!

 Lord if thou hadst been here my brother had not died. That is what Mary and Martha both said to Jesus when he arrived after he had intentionally tarried and missed Lazarus’ death.  They had seen him work so many miracles and it must have been so hard for them to understand why he chose not to come and save Lazarus. I have seen so many miracles in my life too and it has been hard for me to understand also why when it would have been so possible and so easy for God to save my brother, why he didn’t. Mary and Martha in their grief did not imagine that their separation would last only three days and that they would have their brother back whole and well. All the sadness of the previous 3 days had no meaning next to that great joy! This is symbolic for us also. I know that no matter how  long my separation from my brother may be that it will be a meaningless amount of time when compared to eternity and the joy we will all feel when we see him again. I know that Christ has already overcome his death just as he overcame Lazarus’ death and that I will see him again, well and whole. Jesus responded “Thy brother shall rise again” to which Martha responded, “I know he will rise again in the resurrection” Jesus said “ I am the resurrection, and the life. He that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live!” That is my new favorite scripture. 

Death is short. 

Christ is everlasting and he is the life. 

I always thought that losing someone I love like this would break me. I thought that facing mortality would fill me with dread that I could lose anyone anytime. The opposite has actually been true. I miss my brother every day, but I also feel him nearby and I feel his peace and love. He knows now and sees face to face what I can only guess at. I trust his peace and I have lost all my fear of death and loss. I will look up to my brother the same as I always have and trust the peace I feel from him.

Lesterday

 Leo tells me a Lesterday story every day

Leo: Lesterday, I got ran over by a car and the wind fixed me. So say thank you wind.

Lesterday I didn’t get ahead of my dino race but then I did and I was like ‘ROAR’ and then I was like ‘I beat the race I beat the race’

And a bonus:

Mom I putted my buger on your shirt so it can be safe there 

my brother, Zach has died

 a visit to the doctor with a hurt knee. a diagnosis with Leukemia, 3 days later chemo which went wrong and he is gone.  As soon as I knew Zach was sick my mind starting reliving all the memories of our lives. I was filled with a deep love and appreciation for his life, for his character, for his kindness, for his example which has guided and formed me. As I have walked this month almost in a daze I have felt extreme sadness at times and love and peace which filled my being at other times. Sometimes both feelings together. I love my brother. I am so proud of him! he told his family when he was diagnosed, "I think this could be a sacred experience. It is what we make of it".  I hope I face every trial of my life with that wisdom. We have had sacred experiences. Liam was baptized just  3 days after his father passed away and we felt his spirit there tangibly. I was joyful that day. How could I feel sad when Zach was there and his spirit felt so joyful to me. I knew that he had a new perspective now and if he was not sad then I should trust his perspective to guide me. Most days have been very low since then too, but that is how I felt that day. A few days after the baptism I was at my parents house and mom said that she had felt him with her constantly. When she went in the house I took the opportunity to talk with my brother. To tell him how much I love him and how proud of him I am, how much I appreciate all the loving sweet things he has done for me all my life. I felt his spirit that day too. I felt his love for me and how joyful he was. I tried to be a good sister and to show my love but I was not perfect. Memories of unkindnesses (mostly unintentional) or of not always taking the time to talk with him or appreciate him pained me and I felt so much forgiveness from him, as though none of that mattered to him and he didn't want me to feel badly about any of that. Knowing that he is happy has been the greatest comfort I could have received. Once I had that experience of talking with him and saying what I wanted to say to him, A great part of my pain was healed. As time has gone on, it has gotten harder for me. Maybe it is just that it is a little different every day. I have not had a great memory lately so maybe I'm not remembering accurately the beginning pain, only my current pain. I miss Zach greatly and feel so sad to think that we will not get to see him for a long time, but I am comforted beyond explanation by a knowledge that he is still here and that he is happy. I had a very peaceful feeling one night that I would have the chance to say all the things I wanted to him and to spend all the time I wanted with him one day. In his last text to Javier and I he asked us to be there for his kids and my greatest comfort has been in being there at their house and doing what I can for them. I hope I continue to have those opportunities to do what he asked me to. My dear brother, I will be thinking of you constantly until I can be with you again and you will continue to be my example big brother. 

I sat in the back of sacrament meeting yesterday with tears running down my face thinking that I felt broken. A moment later I was staring at the sacrament tray full of broken bread and I remembered that Jesus was also broken. He was broken for me and you so that he would know how to heal us in these moments of our lives. This last month I have felt great sadness and also great peace. My brain is still trying to make sense of this change and that is painful. I think I see Zach everywhere and my brain doesn’t catch me before I feel so much. I believe that the path to recovery will be in focusing on love. Love for and from Zach, love for and from my family and friends, love for and from my Savior. I hope it’s okay for me to leave all these thoughts here for everyone to see. I look back with so much comfort on the people I know who have lost loved ones in the past and found meaning and comfort in the midst of their suffering and just kept going on. I guess my hope is that my experience might help someone else like those experiences helped me.

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

4 Surely he has borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows; yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.

5 But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed.

 19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

This scripture struck me extra hard today. I got something different from it than I ever have. I always call Javier and my kids my treasures. I think about treasuring them and also all the rest of our families every day but today I thought about how treasuring our eternal relationship instead of just our earthly one can help me to feel more peace and less anxiety. Now we have two sweet brothers, Zach and Ivan, to treasure in heaven and I want to live my life thinking of and planning for eternity and the joy we will feel there instead of getting bogged down in the fear of losing what I have here and now on earth. I am grateful for these words of Christ that brought me peace today when I was feeling some inner turmoil. That peace is always a miracle.

 I have been learning this week about sorrow. I have come to realize that each of us must pass through sorrow of many different kinds as well as anxiety and anger and many other unpleasant emotions while we live in this earth. It is part of our education here. We can plan on that being a part of our lives in one way or another. But when we have these difficult experiences we have a choice about how we are going to face them. We could face them on our own or we could face them leaning in the arm of Christ. I have come to know this week and through many other different kinds of challenges in my life that when we are near to our savior, when we are seeking him

In our lives, though we may weep and though we still feel deep pain, we also feel wrapped in his love and peace. It gives us strength to go on, to learn the lesson that the challenge offers us and to become more like him. Sorrow is inevitable, but despair isn’t. The more we feel the love of God the more our hope becomes unshakable- come what May. I encourage all of us to consider how we can invite and welcome that love and peace into our lives now so that we can be healed and comforted in the trials we are facing and be prepared for the ones around the corner. He is real, he loves you, and he wants to help if we let him ❤️

 My sweet brother Zach passed away on Wednesday night after an impossibly fast diagnosis and deterioration with leukemia. Waves of sorrow are followed closely by waves of gratitude and joy. How very grateful I feel to have been able to live just steps away from him almost all of our lives, and to have had the opportunity to spend so much time with him. Zach was such a kind big brother. Last May we put on an escape room birthday party for my son and Zach (having put together several over the years for his kids) brainstormed and counseled me and lent me the materials needed to pull it off. He walked through it with me to make sure it worked and built me up and encouraged me. He didn’t have time for any of that but he did it anyway. He loved to play and have fun. He used to do a cute voice that made us all laugh whenever he used it. When we played games together he was so competitive. He would always insist he wasn’t winning right up until he won. It’s been so fun to hear his kids tell the cutest stories of the sweet things he did for them and the ways he made life fun and magical. He and Natalie started a business a few years ago and I love the way they included their kids in celebrating each milestone along that path. I love my brother. I’m so proud of him and so grateful for the way he included me and helped me throughout my life. 

I know that I will see him again. How deeply grateful I feel that I know without any doubt that families can be together forever. I know that our sorrow will not last forever but will one day be turned to joy when we see him again. I am so grateful for the prayers which have been offered for all of us! We have felt supported by angels on both sides of the veil. We love you all!

Turning 35

 It was a strange thing turning 35. leading up to my birthday was an incredibly busy season. Javier and I both coached 2 soccer teams this spring with not a lot of wins or positive comments from the families, Ive been flaring pretty badly for the past 3 months with unfortunately a downward trend. The pain usually only lasts 20 minutes or so in the mornings but its been pretty much throughout the day lately, difficult to move around at all in the mornings and evenings. Add to that the busy end of year season with all its concerts, parties, etc. and I was left feeling pretty depleted. I started the day with a prayer in my heart, wondering what does turning 35 mean? What should I be learning from this day? These are the things I have been learning over the past few days since:

1. I have a lot of wonderful supportive people in my life. This was my best birthday ever! Javier and the kids decorated the house with balloons, dropped all their activities to take me out to dinner and generally made me feel wonderful! I had so many friends reach out with calls, texts, and visits! I was literally busy the entire day responding to sweet kind supportive loving messages! It filled me up top to bottom with gratitude and love. I felt like that gift came from God too. It felt like part of the lesson he was teaching me is that I am doing better than I think and that he loves me for the efforts I am making already.

2. Every service matters, even the ones that feel so small. In a lot of ways my work is very small. I sometimes feel that I want to do something important and I get frustrated that I don't have the time or energy to do it. I feel that this is a lesson Im supposed to be learning but to be honest there is still a question mark on this one for me. I will keep studying and thinking about it to see if its true.

3. Sometimes the lesson we should learn is just patience. I was thinking about my disease. Sometimes I feel like if I was more organized or could think clearly I could figure out how to fix my sickness. What I realized is that its not my fault if it doesn't go away right away and the meaning I am looking for in this suffering might just be that I am learning patience. I am learning it too. I feel like I am able to bear this affliction up with ease like the people of Alma.

4. Something is not nothing. Sometimes I see that my efforts are imperfect and I feel like I'm doing nothing. It's not true though. My time is so limited. There is not room for all the big rocks that need to fit in the jar each day. If I only have time to send a quick text or minister just once a quarter instead of every month like I wish I was doing, or complete only half the things from my primary to do list, or make dinner at 8 instead of 6; it is like my widow's mite. I am doing what I can and even imperfect efforts are efforts that God can bless. I learned this thinking about the Princes. They are primary activity leaders and they are busy and pregnant and adhd like me. They probably only have half their activities and sometimes parents and leaders complain about that but I think they are the most effective leaders we have! Their activities are different than what the other leaders do. They were Sammys leaders and really inspired him in a way that no one else has. They show great love for both the kids and the gospel. It's like how there is no one way to be a perfect mother but there are infinite ways to be a good one. There is probably also not one right way to fulfill your calling but a million ways to make a difference and each person has their own gift to give. I want to remember this one and try to serve in a way that respects the unique gifts I have to share instead of trying so hard to serve in the way that I think would be most like how others do.

 Leo has been so funny! Every single thing he says makes us laugh. He loves to pretend and he is always seeing monsters or dragons or spiders that we need to fight. 

Sometimes he is the monster and he will say, "Stomp, stomp, stomp!" as he lumbers toward me and then of course he eats me. 

The other day he put his nose an inch away from mine and said, "Mmmm, yummy nachos!" Then he started pretending to take bites out of my face. 

Today was valentines day and our Hometeacher brought all the kids a little box of chocolates. Leo opened his up and one after another he pretended to eat the chocolates and then threw them over his shoulder.

Funny quotes from our trip to Ecuador in 2022

 The pilot announced we had landed

Leo: was that the mandolorian?

Charity: we are about to land

Leo (panicked): do we have to jump??

Esther and Leo mostly stayed in our room during the trip where it was cool and they could watch paw patrol in English. They were both in the throes of culture shock and they did great considering all the changes thrown at them. At one point Esther said tearfully, “Ecuador is ruining my life!” Everyone thought that was so funny.

This post is put together two years after the fact. I wish I had recorded more of the day to day experiences of that trip. It was beautiful for all of us though. The kids connected to their cousins more than ever before and it was fun to see so many similarities. In a way it was like finding a long lost part of themselves that they didn’t know existed. I wish with all my heart we could get to Ecuador more often 😢

 Aunt Cherie is Leo’s nursery teacher. Leo saw her the other day and called out excitedly, “that’s my nur-cherie!”

When Leo is wearing  footie pajamas he likes to tuck the cool things he finds into them. He slips them in at the Neck and they end sliding down to his feet. I’m the morning he remembers exactly what he is stepping on. He will say, “get this heart out of me!” Unzipping his jammies, we find Phoebe’s locket :)

Esther looking at a friends wedding pictures “someday I want to get married too! But there’s just one problem. I don’t have any white shoes!”

Leo: “Frick or freat!”

Leo being spidey all day every day, telling me, “Gwen, let’s swing to the store!”

Esther teaching Leo

Jesus made our eyes do we can blink and see. He made our nose so we can know what’s for dinner and sniff

 Esther had a birthday! Esther is incredibly determined. She knows her own mind and cannot be persuaded. She is graceful by nature. If you saw her or talked to her you would think she was a princess, unless she was upset and then she might be screaming in a very un-princess-like manner :) Esther is incredibly kind. She takes such good care of her little brother and anytime she gets a snack she gets one for him too. She plays toddler games with him every day and she loves to make him laugh. When Esther is playing she loves to fill a bag or basket with small random things and deposit them all over the house. She is also a hard worker. She can do a dinner chore all by herself and she loves to show me how clean she has made it. Esther hates school so far. Everyday we have had a long tear filled time getting there. I hope she will come around soon. She loves to learn though! When we go to the library she picks out piles of non fiction books and squeals with delight when she finds one about an animal. She LOVES animals. She wants to do an experiment every day. I love the time I have with just her and Leo every day while the big kids are at school. It feels like such a gift! I love my sweet strong girl!

Leo at Disneyworld

 Leo wants me to sing the mandolorian theme song as a lullaby. He sings along with me and corrects me

Leo asks the kids, “wanna fight me?” Then he launches fists and kicks as those sweet big brothers and sisters spin him over their shoulders and make sound effects. Shrieks of delight fill the house.

Leo has learned the Daniel tiger songs. If anyone ever mentions a grown up they hear,”grow-o-nups come back”

Me: leo when we go to Disney world you will get to see Elsa and Anna!

Leo: yay! I see Elsa and Anna

Me: you will get to see the Mulan...

Leo: no want see pick a nose Mulan!

Leo’s favorite game is the sacrament. He will say a prayer and then pretend to bring bread and water to everyone

Leo on the plane to the flight attendant as he walked away: “excuse me sir. I have to drink soda but I can’t drink soda but I have to go home...”

In the line waiting to get on the plane talking with another passenger: excuse me sir, I want candy.

On the airplane with a piece of garbage: I have to give sir!! 

It took me forever to understand he wanted to give it to a flight attendant. 

Leo on the plane pointing to the sleeping people nearby: Is she dead? Is he dead?

As I’m trying to keep Leo from running in front of the flight attendant Leo yells panicked: Daddy she won’t let me go!

Leo on the safari. “Elephants!!!! I see the Elephants!!!! Phoebe you see elephants!!!! Sammy you see Elephants??? Maxy you see elephants????? Esther you see elephants??? Daddy you see elephants???? Mommy you see elephants???? Wow!!! Hi elephants!!!!!”

He threw his shoes as far away as he could every chance he got

Leo: I want to run away

Sammy: but if you run away you might get lost

Leo: “ I want to run away and get lost”

Leo: can I run away

Leo: I want a cracker.

When I give him a cracker for both hands he’s content but if I only give him 1 he screams and crushes the cracker. And threw all the pieces away then picked them up one by one and crushed each piece

Leo slipped on some water. When he came out and told us about it he pointed to his foot and showed me how it slipped, “ and then I died!” “ my foot killed my head”

Playing 20 questions, Leo cries every time it wasn’t a robot. Sammy: is it a robot? Javier: no it’s not a robot. Leo: No! It is a robot!!!

“No it is pluno!”

Leo was hitting Javi. Why are you hitting me? I banging drums. 

Leo hitting Javi. Daddy your hurting my hand!

Esther loves to dress up and whether she is wonder woman or jasmine, Leo will always call her by her dress up name. “Are you jasmine?” Then for the rest of the day he calls her that in all their playing. The other night I put on a new nightgown that was pink with some lace on the edges. Leo: “mommy, are you a frincess?” 

 My son is now a teenager! Max is a wise soul! For years now I’ve been asking his advice in difficult situations and taking it too. He is so calm and clear headed and he has a creative way of thinking that sees solutions I can’t.  Max is definitely the smartest person I know and the most interested in learning. Ever since he learned to read he has loved reading and he has read many many more books in his short life than I have in mine almost 3 times as long. Although he loves a good fiction series, something that always amazes me about Max is that he can sit down with a long encyclopedia of chemistry or a nonfiction account of the Mars rover and just devour it for pleasure. He has read most of the books we own several times. He is unconventional and doesn’t seem to worry a bit about what anyone thinks about him. I am so jealous of this confidence! He is a hard worker! His ADHD makes some areas of his life very difficult for him but it is a superpower in other ways. He is very compassionate and nonjudgmental! Max is so funny and fun loving!! He almost never complains. I am so proud of this dear boy! Happy very late birthday sweet Max!!

 Mother’s Day fills me with so much gratitude!! Gratitude for my sweet mother and mother-in-law, for my grandmothers and grandmothers in law, for my children’s aunts and cousins and teachers, and for my friends! They all mother alongside me!! All the women I have known throughout my life whose examples have helped me to grow and learn and for the future mothers all around me who inspire me with their goodness!! I love you all so much!!! Most of all I am so grateful for my 5 precious children, that immense gift I could never deserve. Happy Mother’s Day everyone! ❤️❤️❤️

 Happy birthday dear Sammy! The boy who loves babies and has already learned how to reason patiently with toddlers. The boy who will climb to the very top of a 50 foot tree without a moment of fear. The boy who wants to do his hair just like grandpa’s. The boy who reads 500 page books in one day...almost every day. The boy who helps me so much around the house I could never get along without him. The loudest boy in the whole world. The boy who wants to learn everything. That hardworking,driven boy! The boy who used to lose his temper but rarely does anymore. The boy who read the whole Book of Mormon on his own, cover to cover without anyone telling him to do it and started the next night on the Old Testament. My sweet son who told me today he is getting too old to be babied. Happy birthday to you!

Phoebe's baptism

Yesterday Dear Phoebe Ruth was baptized on her 8th birthday. It was such a special, wonderful day! Because of the. pandemic we had very few people there in person, just our family, Mimi and Grandpa, Dad, Grandma, Mark Sitton, Natalie Hansen, Libbi, Seth, and Eli, and Merri Carlson the Primary president. Then so very many loved ones and friends watching on a zoom link. All the Boise family, Olivia, the Tangs, The Betheas, the Mills, The Fishers, Jesse Puderbaugh. Then so much Ecuador family which was the coolest part! Phoebe had all three sets of Ecuadorian grandparents there, Tio Cristhian, Fabian and his family, Tia Zabrina, Tia Nayce, and other friends. 

Max and Sammy both shared their testimonies. They were sweet and perfect. They both spoke directly to Phoebe and told her how proud they were of her for deciding to get baptized. Max said he knew the church was true and that he loved Phoebe. Sammy told her he knew that it would help her to grow closer to God like it had helped him to. During his testify Leo walked up to the front of the room and Sammy picked him up and finished his testimony with Leo in his arms. It was so sweet. 

Tio Cristhian bore his testimony over zoom. Mama Ruth gave a sweet prayer in Spanish. 

Mimi gave a great talk about the three "bears of baptism" to bear his name, to bear one another's burdens, and to bear testimony. She explained bearing one another's burdens by giving examples of times when Phoebe can help someone and giving her a can to represent each experience. Then she said that if with all those cans in her arms if Phoebe felt burdened that others would help her bear her burdens too.

Javier told a story about a little boy who saved his sister from a dog that was attacking her. He said that he didn't even hesitate before stepping between her and the dog but felt that if anyone should be killed by the dog not should be him and he would save his sister. He said that he thought about the scars that the little boy would carry all his life on his face. This reminded him of the Savior in two ways. One that the Savior was so brave to choose to be our Savior and that the Savior chose to keep his scars on his hands, feet and side to remind us of the sacrifice he did for us. 

Phoebe knew she was going to be singing a song in Spanish all by herself and she was nervous. After she was baptized she told me she didn't feel nervous at all anymore, just calm and happy. She was just radiant.

After her baptism she sang her song, "Cuando yo me bautice" and it was so beautiful! I am so proud of her for working so hard to learn that song in Spanish and for being so courageous to sing it all by herself. She is fearless and faith-filled, and so talented!

Uncle Seth spoke last. He said that Phoebe is so smart, that he could tell from interviewing her that she really understood what she was doing and that she would do so well. He told her she would make mistakes too. He said that he knew from experience the joy of being forgiven. He told about his baptism day when his hair was sticking up so he cut that part off and then had to have his head shaved. He also told how after being baptized he felt so clean and pure and then when he got home he was mean to his sister and he knew he had sinned. He learned about repentance and that he could be pure and clean every time he repented.

Phoebe was so happy all day and it was just a beautiful wonderful day!

 

Sunday afternoon

 Here I am sitting the couch. Esther (5) is jumping around next to me and telling me jokes like, "What is white, and that is a couch and grey, grey, grey, and brown???  Answer: It's a Balloon!!" I laugh my head off because she is so cute :)

Just in front of me Max and Sammy are whacking each other with pool noodle lightsabers, (they aren't holding anything back either) making loud cracks and yelling at each other at the top of their lungs as they laugh their heads off. Max's voice is cracking all over the place. He's probably making the most of that because he's enjoying all this growing up stuff :) Leo jumps into the fray with a balloon and yells, "1,2,3,4,9 GO!!!!"

A moment later he gets stepped on, unfortunately, predictably and comes to Mommy crying for snuggles and kisses. Now the boys are actually angry with each other. Now Esther is acting out a longer joke play and she tells me not to take my eyes off her. She completely ignores all the yells from the boys and talks in her normal voice to me ducking under the swords as she acts out her story. "Mommy, now its time to laugh!" Max goes to get Leo some milk and he is happy again, the boys resume their game.

Phoebe is quietly reading in the corner. Wally is curled up next to me on the couch. Just every Sunday of all time :)