It was a strange thing turning 35. leading up to my birthday was an incredibly busy season. Javier and I both coached 2 soccer teams this spring with not a lot of wins or positive comments from the families, Ive been flaring pretty badly for the past 3 months with unfortunately a downward trend. The pain usually only lasts 20 minutes or so in the mornings but its been pretty much throughout the day lately, difficult to move around at all in the mornings and evenings. Add to that the busy end of year season with all its concerts, parties, etc. and I was left feeling pretty depleted. I started the day with a prayer in my heart, wondering what does turning 35 mean? What should I be learning from this day? These are the things I have been learning over the past few days since:
1. I have a lot of wonderful supportive people in my life. This was my best birthday ever! Javier and the kids decorated the house with balloons, dropped all their activities to take me out to dinner and generally made me feel wonderful! I had so many friends reach out with calls, texts, and visits! I was literally busy the entire day responding to sweet kind supportive loving messages! It filled me up top to bottom with gratitude and love. I felt like that gift came from God too. It felt like part of the lesson he was teaching me is that I am doing better than I think and that he loves me for the efforts I am making already.
2. Every service matters, even the ones that feel so small. In a lot of ways my work is very small. I sometimes feel that I want to do something important and I get frustrated that I don't have the time or energy to do it. I feel that this is a lesson Im supposed to be learning but to be honest there is still a question mark on this one for me. I will keep studying and thinking about it to see if its true.
3. Sometimes the lesson we should learn is just patience. I was thinking about my disease. Sometimes I feel like if I was more organized or could think clearly I could figure out how to fix my sickness. What I realized is that its not my fault if it doesn't go away right away and the meaning I am looking for in this suffering might just be that I am learning patience. I am learning it too. I feel like I am able to bear this affliction up with ease like the people of Alma.
4. Something is not nothing. Sometimes I see that my efforts are imperfect and I feel like I'm doing nothing. It's not true though. My time is so limited. There is not room for all the big rocks that need to fit in the jar each day. If I only have time to send a quick text or minister just once a quarter instead of every month like I wish I was doing, or complete only half the things from my primary to do list, or make dinner at 8 instead of 6; it is like my widow's mite. I am doing what I can and even imperfect efforts are efforts that God can bless. I learned this thinking about the Princes. They are primary activity leaders and they are busy and pregnant and adhd like me. They probably only have half their activities and sometimes parents and leaders complain about that but I think they are the most effective leaders we have! Their activities are different than what the other leaders do. They were Sammys leaders and really inspired him in a way that no one else has. They show great love for both the kids and the gospel. It's like how there is no one way to be a perfect mother but there are infinite ways to be a good one. There is probably also not one right way to fulfill your calling but a million ways to make a difference and each person has their own gift to give. I want to remember this one and try to serve in a way that respects the unique gifts I have to share instead of trying so hard to serve in the way that I think would be most like how others do.
