I'm married to a good man.

So I have unaccountably developed pretty terrible anxiety over the last few years. It seems to be significantly worse while I'm pregnant and nursing. Lately even watching TV has been enough to get me feeling pretty wound up and scared so Javier suggested that we read at night instead.

So the last couple weeks we have been reading Sense and Sensibility. Javier reads to me and I crochet. Something about the repetitive motion is very calming. I so look forward to evenings with Javier,  listening to his soothing voice, the voice of the man I love so much! We get comfy in our room and it is just absolute heaven.

Javier is very very good to me. I love it that is willing to do this to help me and be sweet to me. I married a good man!

God blesses me for trying

I am 7 months pregnant with three small children and a very forgetful fuzzy brain. I am also so so exhausted so every small effort is heroically tiring and incredibly difficult physically, emotionally, and mentally. Today I needed to drop off a present for a little boy whose birthday party we missed 2 weeks ago. We also missed his mom's wedding reception and I was feeling like dropping off this present so late was a pretty lame effort compared to what I ought to have done, so I prayed, "Lord please give me points for trying today?"

Here is the beautiful answer he gave me on the way to piano lessons, later today. I am so insufficient in every area of my life. I want to be so much better at everything and I get so discouraged! Piano lessons is my weekly epitome of failure mostly. We are always late, we never practice. Half the time Max is so tired he can't even concentrate while we are there. I feel like the teacher hates me, the kids are loud and distracting and it just feels like I am the worst mom ever. But here I was on the way and I had this thought that in spite of all this, in spite of the incredible feebleness of this effort and how short it comes from what we are "supposed" to be doing, Max is learning to play. He plays pretty well. He enjoys it. He feels good about it. He has improved leaps and bounds from where he started a year ago. Sure he would be better if we practiced every day and we were always on time and I didn't have to bring his loud siblings to distract him at lessons BUT I realized that if I didn't try, he wouldn't play at all. Even my super duper limited effort is reaping great results. I realized that that is the way with all the things I am doing. My very best is not much at all, but even tiny efforts when they are consistent pay off :) 

The Lord is blessing me so much for trying :) We try to read the scriptures each day. It is hilarious sometimes. The kids jump off the beds and run around screaming while we read. We try to have family home evening consistently. The kids jump on each other and laugh while we are trying to teach them stuff. We try to serve (itty bitty efforts) like having the missionaries for dinner or helping with family home evening at the retirement home. Always we are receiving much more than we are giving. The sweet missionaries and retirees are so sweet to our kids, they are patient with all the noise and running and our frustration. We try to go to the temple but inevitably someone forgets a recommend (me), we are too late for the session, last time my dress broke when I tried to zip it up. We go to church but we are so incredibly noisy and it is exhausting trying to keep them all under control. I try to do geneology but after I have found many names it turns out I can't do their work because I am not their nearest relative. But even though these efforts sometimes feel so hard and useless it can be ridiculous, I have amazing kids!! They are learning the gospel. They are feeling the spirit. They are kind to each other and generous with others. They are happy. I love my husband and he loves me. I feel that the seeds we are planting in so much weakness now are already starting to bear a little fruit. The Lord is blessing us immensely just for trying. That doesn't sound like failure at all. It sounds like success :)

Max's 7th Birthday Party

The invitations said, "come to the dark side. There will be cake" We invited all the cousins and the boys from Max's class and in the end we had about 20 kids. I made these light sabers out of duct tape and pool noodles and Javier dressed up as Darth Vader. I think he loved it. He practiced his voice for days :) Zach was sweet enough to come in his Boba Fett costume too. Pretty much most of the party was the kids wacking the adults and each other with the pool noodles. I thought it was the best party ever!

 Sammy taught the kids how to use a light saber. He even used an adorable yoda voice.

SUMMER is a beautiful thing!

Phoebe sings the clean up song to the tune of Once there was a snowman. "Erydubby keen up tall tall tall"

Sammy has been saying for the last year or so that he never wants to go on a mission or get married because he wants to stay with his Daddy and me forever. I knew he would change his mind eventually so I just thought it was adorable that he wanted to be with us and told him that was fine. He was so cute because whenever someone talked about when he has kids or I wonder who he'll marry or anything like that he'd get really upset and say, "I'm not EVER getting married!" The other day he said thoughtfully from the backseat of the car, "Mommy...I have been thinking that maybe if I don't get married I will be sad." I told I thought that getting married was the best way to be happy. He replied, "What I will do then is to find a great girl and marry her the day I get home from my mission." I told him he didn't need to hurry that fast, but I was sure he would be a great husband and Daddy someday. He really will be!

We ran into a little boy at Target yesterday who was bragging about how strong he was. Sammy has been out to show his strength since then. The kid has some serious serious muscles! He insisted on lifting a box full of books out of the car at DI today and I let him try but to my surprise he actually did it! Then carried it over to the shelf! After that I asked him to help me carry a heavy ottoman up the stairs and he was able to do that too. He is very gallant about helping me and I seriously appreciate it! At the store today he insisted on carrying all the bags and pushing the cart. He's spoiling his mommy :) Speaking of spoiling me Whenever I complain that I have a headache Sammy runs over to me and starts rubbing my shoulders. I love this sweet sweet boy!! When Phoebe runs away in a store Sammy says, I'll get her and runs after her and carries her back.

Phoebe is so so so independent. She's always yelling, "I Do IT!" She likes to climb up into her carseat and out of it all by herself and buckle the top buckle. She likes to push the cart all by herself at the grocery store with no one else holding on, and she likes to brush her own teeth and hates it that we insist on helping. She has also been potty training and because life has been busy I went about it the lazy way and we've been potty training in 1 hour snatches instead of just getting it done. But she loves to be a big girl. She is always saying, "I go peepee potty!" She's also learning about where people go. This morning in the rush she asked me, "Max go cool?" Just a couple weeks ago she would cry like she was heartbroken whenever we dropped him off. I guess she's figuring it out. I also laugh out loud every time she creams, "Give me that That!" or "Go away Me!" She is a funny girl. Right noe she is tickling Sammy, asking mischievously, "A keekle?" Then tickling him and he's laughing so hard. Little cuties!

Max stays up all night reading. And then he wakes up early. The other day we noticed at 3:00 AM that the boys had woken up to play video games. Then Javier went down and put them back to bed and they got up again at 5:00. The next day we hid the Wii :)

Phoebe loves babies! These days everything is a baby from the smallest water balloon to a spoonful of smoothie. She will say, "Awwwww, a baby!" and then proceed to carry around and care for all these things. It is pretty precious! She was so upset when that water balloon popped!

Sammy's Prayer: "Please bless me that when the baby is born that I will love her right away and play with her like Max did with me"













Phoebe covered Rocco with her blanket one night and hovered around him covering his "toes" and saying "Occo cuuute!!" over and over again. We were watching National Treasure and Max and Sammy were scared so she kept asking Rocco if he was scared, "Occo scary?" She likes to take care of things :)

about 6 months ago Max drew a cute passcode paper to get into their room and he and Sammy pretended to punch in the passcode every time they went in for awhile. The passcode was "Sammy Max". Its been taped outside their door for months and just got torn down and crumpled up. I wish so much that I had taken a picture.

 I think Phoebe looks like an adorable little frog trying to get around the pool in this floaty.

 Max and Sammy have gone around this whole summer with no shirts on. I tell them to put them on and they ignore me of course but the truth is I think it is so cute! They know how little boys should live :)

 They love to make a backyard beach.

Maxy can be a little too focused, sweet boy. He just lives so intently in his own mind that he has a hard time hearing and paying attention to what is going on outside of it. SO tonight like most nights I sang him a song and kissed his sweet head and told him how much I love him and and sweet dreams and he didn't answer at all as I left the room. But unlike most nights just after I closed the door he came rushing out and gave me the biggest sweet hug. It made me so glad! Then he said, "wait, did you sing to me?" I love that boy so much!!! I think his spaciness is a sign of his incredible genius!