Utah

Phoebe is so cute and cuddly!

Javier LOVES monopoly! He bought the game, finally a couple weeks ago and the kids have been very willing converts! The three of them have had a lot of fun playing!

Phoebe is just so pretty! We all love to admire her every day! And she is growing so fast too! She can already wear her 3-6 months clothes!

We up and took a trip to Utah last weekend. It was a lot of fun...and it wasn't a lot of fun all at once. I figure that is how most vacations go with little kids. We all miss our separate rooms and normal bedtimes and we all got really sick and that wasn't very fun away from home, but that was what it took to make some sweet memories, so it was well worth it. As always, I am sure looking back we will only remember how fun it was!

Sammy shaking hands with some Manaquins at city creek Mall. That is a super cool place!

Phoebe looking all gorgeous! She was so good!!!

More city creek mall. Its an indoors/outdoor mall. Indoor...with a huge window of a ceiling so you feel like you are outdoors. SO cool!

The story I have to tell from this trip is from the hotel. Each morning as we left my cute boys would run ahead and go into a room where the maid was cleaning and start talking her ear off, "Hi, I'm Max and I'm 4 and this is my brother. His name is Sammy and he is 2. There is a place called Just kiddin around and they have a big kids room you can go in when you are 5 and I will be 5 soon and then I can go in it!" It was so funny! The maids loved it! They would save out special food for the boys at breakfast and they were so excited to see them each day. It was really sweet!

The reason for the trip was Javier's mission reunion. There hasn't been one in many many years. His dear mission president and his wife, the Shurtleffs have been called on 4 missions right in a row. Mission presidents, MTC presidents, temple presidents and I can't remember the first one. They are such a wonderful example to us! We so enjoyed being with them and hearing their wonderful counsel. What an amazing impact they have had!

We got to watch a session of conference with my dear friend Emily and her husband and one with my adorable and amazing sisters! That was another major highlight! I love those three ladies!

Sammy was playing a game where Maddie was his Mommy and he would walk right by me and say, "No, You're not my Mommy, that is my mommy!" Then he would walk clear across the room and lay down on the ground and start yelling, "Wah, wah, wah!!!" until she would come and pick him up. He also force fed Maddie and Sophie a huge bag of chocolate covered raisins. They are such good sports!

We are buying a children's play place with my brothers and sisters so we considered it research to go to all the children's museums in the area while we were down there. The dinosaur museum was so much fun! The boys were able to explore what they were interested in and I think they learned so much!

its Max in the picture but Sammy built this dinosaur all my himself. He told me, "Mommy, I worked so hard on it!" I bet he did! Can you imagine tiny Sammy wielding all those huge pieces!

In Salt Lake we went to Discovery Gateway: Best children's museum ever!!! That place was so so fun!! I only have 2 pictures, but seriously, It was incredible!

Cute Sammy wouldn't wear a shirt this day because he insisted that the overalls were a shirt. He is still potty training and having accidents so he changes his clothes like 10 times a day and every outfit is hilarious! Even though I am excited for him to be accident free, I have to admit I love this phase!

One more story and then I am done. The other day I went outside and saw Max and Sammy were both up high on the fence talking to our grown up neighbor on the other side. "I'm Max and I'm 4 and this is Sammy and he is 2, How old are you?" I went out and introduced myself and thanked him for being kind to the boys and we went in. Since then Max will say, "I'm going out to talk to the neighbor, or I will catch him out there yelling, "Neighbor!!!" Hilarious, Hilarious boy!!!

Me again... Too bad

I took a family history class in college and our teacher talked about journals. She said there are 2kinds of journal writers. The happy ones who only write when everything is good and the sad ones who only write when things are falling apart. She said it is important to tell both sides of the story. I like writing both times. Of course it is always fun to write when the children are darling and we are doing lots of fun stuff, but Its sort of theraputic to write when I am feeling like a mess too. Thats how I am feeling today, like a mess.

Sometimes it just seems like no matter how hard i try I make the same mistakes over and over again. I get frustrated. I speak without thinking. Even when i do think about what to say beforehand, i get worked up in the moment and say things more angrily than i intended.  And no matter how quickly i realize i made a mistake. NO amount of appology really undoes what you wish you wouldnt have done.

Soooo... I will just take a deep breath and tell myself i have another shot tomorrow. i can look at my life and say at least i think i do this much less often every year, even if it gets more painful every time i do it, i should just be happy i am improving and call it good.

Power Rangers

So I adore the rare mornings when Sammy and I don't have any errands to run while Max is in preschool so we can just hang out at the house and play together. Sammy's most favoritest game ever is power rangers and every person in his life has a role in his constant imaginative power ranger's other life. I am the pink power ranger, Sammy is the red one, Max is the white one, Phoebe is the yellow one, etc.. It is common to hear him say, "Pink power ranger, the red power ranger in thirsty" or "Pink power ranger, the yellow power ranger is crying. Go save her!"
Well the other day on one of these lovely mornings with Sammy I was feeding the baby on the couch and Sammy told me, "Pink power ranger, pretend that you're dead!" I complied and he came up to me so tenderly and said, "Pink power ranger, are you okay?" I was surprised by his worried little voice so I opened my eyes and said, "I'm alright red power ranger" to which he got frustrated and said "No you're still dead!" Apparently Sammy is a way better actor than me :)

Now for a million adorable pictures of Phoebe. She is 7 weeks old now, just for the record:

 Often in their games of power rangers or ninja turtles or super heroes, Max and Sammy will be fighting and playing and always laughing so hard and all the sudden one of them will see Phoebe and come over so tenderly and say, "Awwwwww, a Baby power Ranger! She is sooooooo cute!!!"

Last week Natalie's dog, Rex stayed at our house while they went on vacation. The boys loved that like crazy of course. One day Max yelled "come on Rex!" and Max, Rex, and Sammy ran off into the yard like the three great friends that they are. Max had his bow and arrow toy in his hands and the last thing I heard before he shut the door was "Okay Rex, we'll shoot the birds and you eat them when they fall to the ground!"

 And since Rex stayed at our house last week Sammy has been insisting that Rex is our dog now. We're going to give him a turtle for his birthday, hopefully that will fill his pet needs.

Max  has been drawing these amazingly elaborate drawing stories that cover the entire back patio. They are part pictures and part words but they have lengthy and interesting plots. I am so proud of my boy!

 One day we went to the park with Addie and Alex and who should we see but JAMES! Best day ever! It is so adorable how all of the little boy cousins just idolize James. Max Sammy and Alex just clustered around his bike and basked in his coolness for a few minutes, and awesome James took some time to talk to his little baby cousins even in front of his friend. No wonder they think he is so cool :) On a side note, funny Sammy will only wear Max's clothes these days.

 Max and Sammy still absolutely adore their sister. They just can't leave her alone :)

 Who can blame them really, she is so soooo cute!

 Another Day we had some James and Bailey and Christian over to play and let me tell you, play they did! Hide and seek and dress up and legos and outside. Much fun was had. We have also been playing a lot with Addie and Alex, I don't have any pictures of those play dates, but let me tell you, Those kids are such fun playmates! Why is it that cousins have such a magical connection! I'm glad my kids' cousins are all such great examples for them and so much fun!

 Just look at all those fun Cousins! We are so glad to be in Boise! Not this day (thank goodness) but another day I came outside and saw my 2 boys standing on either side at the top of the slide peeing off into the grass. I guess Max is teaching Sammy the "finer" points of potty training...

 The day Phoebe was blessed the fam-er-amily came over to our house for dinner which was pretty awesome! The little princess took a nice nap with Grandpa :)

Mom bought Phoebe this cute headband for her blessing. We all agreed it was more of a head dress. I thought she looked like a little Hawaiian princess. Little Beauty!

 It traveled funny though

 Phoebe loves Max and Sammy as much as they love her. Even with all their rowdy and crazy, She just can't keep her eyes off of them if they are in range. She loves those big brothers!

 Lately whenever I ask the boys to do something (and they choose not to ignore me :) They will answer, "Yes Master!" They are Hilarious!

 One day I fell asleep with Phoebe on the couch and Sammy took these pictures (and about a gazillion others) I thought they were pretty sweet, just like my sweet boy!

 Another fun night with Grandpa and Sophie! They got to read Goldilocks and the three martians.

 Dress up, and soak in all the fun attention from sweet Auntie Sophie!

 Sammy is in throws of the potty humor stage. He loves to yell out something like, "peepeehead!" Then turn to me with a big smile on his face and say, "Mommy, I said a potty word." Don't laugh Charity, Don't laugh...

Gorgeous children! Max washed our table tonight all by himself and he did a stellar job! He also makes his bed every morning and the other day he cleaned up the whole playroom all by himself! He is really an amazing cleaner too, he did all those jobs as well as any adult. Go Max!

 I love how sweet Phoebe looks in this little nightgown. My little darling precious! I also love how soft her hair is and how good it smells. I love putting this little bow on her because it always makes me smile. I love her sweet little smiles that you can never quite figure out what caused them and her bright beautiful wide awake eyes at 10:00 at night. I love the way she cuddles into my neck when I hold her and it always makes me think that Babies must be the best invention ever! Of course none is as beautiful and sweet as mine :).

Loving life right now.

Today is a Gift!

Javier is Super Dad! Ever since we brought Phoebe home he has been working so hard to give the boys a chance to have fun and be the center of attention. Yesterday they went on a bike ride to the fun park which sounded like a lot of fun. Apparently Max made several friends. He would just go up to any kids he saw and say "Hello! My name is Max and this is my brother, Sammy!" I love that about my boy. Little sweetie! Well the next few pictures are from their trip to the aquarium a couple days after we got home from the hospital.

Javier has a serious fear of snakes so I was dumbfounded when I saw this picture. Way to face your fears Javi!

Max loves his little sister

He and Sammy both want to hold her literally all day. Sometimes I feel like telling them it is MY turn to hold my baby! But I am so glad they love her so much! She'll want to know someday that they both just sat around her all this month and waited for their turn to hold her and fought over who got to hold her and oo-ed and ah-ed over her tiny hands, and her tiny nose, and her tiny feet, and her tiny ears, and her angry faces and her happy faces and basically every tiny thing she does or says. They adore their baby sister!

She is a little angel too! I pretty much think she is the most beautiful creature I have ever seen! And she is such a sweet baby! She is really almost always happy, except sometimes at night the last week or so, but it is very predictable, as soon as I can get her to burp or pass some gas she's as happy as can be again, just sometimes it takes some time, poor little sweetie.

Sammy, you handsome devil you :) Oh how I love this sweet  boy!

All of Phoebe's cousins came to meet her that week and all of her aunts and uncles and multiple grandparents. She is one lucky lady to be born into such a big family of wonderful examples from people who adore her! And I am one lucky lady to have such an amazing support system! Oh how I love this big wonderful adorable family!!!!! We are so lucky!

She gives us lots of little smiles! The other night she was sleeping and she just kept smiling and I caught myself wondering what in the world she was dreaming about that made her so so happy. I decided it must have been heaven. It was a sweet moment because as I was imagining her seeing the Lord and being so happy to see him, my heart just filled with such a tender feeling and I knew that he loves her so much! As he loves all his children, but it is always a special moment as a mother to feel that he knows your children best and loves them best, and that he will help me to do my best for them, because they are so special to him. I may not have described it well, but it was a beautiful moment to feel a little of what he feels for my Phoebe.

I have to admit it, I treat my babies like dolls. I love to dress her up! She is just so cute in everything she wears!

I love the way that whenever she starts to fuss the boys rush to calm her down. Max will run to the piano and start to play twinkle twinkle because he is sure it calms her down every time (as a side note  Max has been OBSESSED with the piano lately! Javier taught him a couple songs and he practices them several times a day and plays them perfectly now. He also is starting to experiment with playing them in different ways, like he heard his cousin do, like playing twinkle twinkle but with a cool rhythm on each note. I am so so proud of him!) Sammy sometimes runs to the piano too and plays random notes to calm her down which is so sweet! The boys both are so sweet with her. They love to give her her binky, and if she fussy they'll lay down by her and stroke her head and talk quietly to her. Max really can calm her down. And it is so sweet that he is always saying, "I love babies!"

Sammy asks me all the time, "Is Phoebe a princess?" "Does Phoebe have a castle?" I always tell him yes :) and he is a prince.

Little boys adoring their sister.

Darling little princess.

Javier has been using baby lotion because we ran out of grownup lotion and in the wonter his hands crack open and bleed in an INSANE way. They become a bloody mess every winter. But anyway, Sammy saw him do it the other day and said indignantly, "Daddy, why are you using Phoebe's soap? You are NOT  a baby!"

Another funny Sammy story. My cute boys are like a couple of puppies. They spend the ENTIRE day pretend fighting each other, usually rolling around on the floor and placing lots of ninja kicks and punches, etc. in there as they fight imaginary witches, or power rangers, or whatever. I am so glad they are not usually trying to hurt each other but inevitably sometimes they do and tears ensue and I usually dont feel that sympathetic since I have usually been telling them they need to be gentler for 10 minutes prior to injury. ANYWAY... the other day Max kicked Sammy and Sammy's response was, "Max, dont kick me! You LOOOOVE me!" Cute hilarious boy is at least sort of hearing what I am saying I guess?

Cute Dad, cute Max! The weather is finally getting nice and the kids have been loving the freedom of going outside to play again! Hallelujah! Maybe Boise is cool because the kids seem to appreciate the outdoors more after not being able to enjoy it for so long?

So in conclusion, about the title of this post: I have been an anxiety nut lately. Okay a long lately. Probably since Javier's brother passed away I have just laid in bed every night for hours thinking about all the different ways my poor defenseless kids could die and feeling certain there is no way we can escape them all. Well there isn't in fact any certain way to, there are so many scary dangers in this world. But I have learned something too. I am not entitled to an easy life with nothing going wrong. Sometimes people live to old age without their spouse or children or brothers or sisters or nieces or nephews or parents maybe dying, but we are not entitled to that and death is also an inevitable part of life. So I think the only option open to us is to take each day as a gift. It has made me think again about the little child prayers I used to pray full of vain repetitions, where the first one was always, "I thank thee for this day". But I am praying that sentence again these days and not in vain repetition but with all sincerity of heart. I know that today is a gift and that each day I have with these dear, dear, dear loved ones by my side is a great gift. So instead of focusing all my energy dreading the possibility of loosing someone I love, I am trying to live in the moment and treasure each moment I have with them. What a gift today is!!